In Part One of this article I gave a brief overview of Narrative Therapy. Let me begin here by quickly refreshing your memory. I used a camera lens analogy to describe the process through which the stories we each create about events that happen to us come to shape our perception of ourselves and our future. I used Anxiety as an example and talked briefly about three processes: 1) how the experience of Anxiety can end up impacting a person’s identity without the person really being aware that this is happening, 2) how the first step in the therapeutic process is to begin to separate the person from the “problem,” in this case “Anxiety,” and 3) how the process of separating people from problems often reveals storylines that are hidden from the person’s awareness (the second story). This article will focus on the role and importance of developing the second story. To keep things simple, I will continue with the example I used in Part One. Below is where we left off:
Me: What does this Anxiety stop other people from knowing about you?
Person: It makes me seem unfriendly and weak. People get the idea that I don’t like going out or having fun. Nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, if it wasn’t for Anxiety I think I might have a lot more friends. I’m actually a lot of fun. I like to tell jokes and make other people laugh. Anxiety keeps this hidden. I used to have so much confidence. Now people keep saying things to me like, “You’re so shy now, what happened?”
Me: What strategies does Anxiety use to try to keep this fun side of you hidden?
Person: It talks me out of going places, tells me I can’t handle it. I have every intention of going out to a get-together but Anxiety tells me it will be too hard and then I start to panic. Nobody understands how hard I try to overcome this. They think I am pathetic and make excuses.
The person in the above example is sharing two distinct identity storylines with me: 1) the person who is a weak/pathetic/excuse maker, and 2) the person who is trying really hard to stop the awful effects of Anxiety. My job moving forward with this person is to begin to bring the “trying” storyline into view. This is the part of the person’s identity that represents their strength, and will help to add balance to this idea that they are “weak.” However, in order to do this respectfully and well, I need to also acknowledge the influence of the problem that has brought them in. It might look like this:
Me: Wow, that sounds like a real struggle. On one hand you have this desire to go out and spend time with your friends, yet when you do go out, you don’t have fun because Anxiety keeps you from feeling like the person you know yourself to be. I can really see how this might feel like a no-win situation.
Person: Ya, it really stinks.
Me: What I am still wondering about is what keeps you trying so hard to overcome this Anxiety even under these really difficult circumstances?
Person: Well, I’m not a quitter. If I stopped trying then things would be hopeless.
Me: Hmmm, what does it mean to you to hear yourself say, “I’m not a quitter”?
Person: I have never been a quitter. My parents still tell the story about me when I was a year old and how they could never keep me in a crib. I would keep trying to escape until I found a way out.
Me: Wow, it sounds as if you have always been this way. I can see why it would be important to you to not quit now even under such difficult circumstances. What would it mean to you if your friends could see how hard you are trying to overcome the influences of this Anxiety?
Person: Well, I wouldn’t have to worry so much about what they were thinking about me and whether or not I was measuring up to their expectations. If they knew how hard I was trying…
There may be a part of you right now that is still wondering about the purpose or usefulness in highlighting this person’s “trying” when it has not solved the problem of Anxiety. Michael White, one of the creators of Narrative Therapy, uses a beautiful analogy of a river to explain the significance of the second storyline (in this case “trying”). Below I have paraphrased his thoughts:
Developing the second story is like developing a different territory of identity in which a person can stand, look out at their life and reflect upon what they have been through. It is as if we are assisting people to stand on a riverbank in order to look at the river of life. If one is floundering in the actual river in which the “problem story” (in this case Anxiety) dominates, and is left struggling with the currents that are flowing past and around them, it is not possible to think differently about the events in which one is immersed. But if one is standing in a different territory of identity (in this case “trying”), it becomes possible to speak about the events of the problem story (Anxiety) without the fear of being completely defined by it. Once the second story (trying) is richly defined, it then becomes a driving force for further healing actions. People begin to see and take next steps that are in harmony with the understandings of what they give value to and what they intend for their lives.
I think it is important to add that the different territory of identity mentioned above is often a territory that is rediscovered rather than one that is invented. For the example in this article, the storyline of “trying” is linked to not being a quitter, which has been a characteristic of this person since they were young. The realization that characteristics like “trying” and not being a “quitter” are still present in this person’s life, even in the face of their struggle with anxiety, can snap this person into the awareness that the person they know themselves to be is still present in their life. While the road back may still be long, this realization can trigger a level of hope or optimism that they may not have experienced in a very long time.
One of the things I have been known to say during therapy is “therapy is not magic wand waving.” What I mean by this is that the process is not as simple as using different words or positive thinking to make your life better. The end result is about seeing yourself with different eyes so that you are able to hold the “good” and the “bad” in your life at the same time. For example: “I am a strong and resilient person who sometimes struggles with anxiety, but never quits.” This is a very different place than the “I am anxious” statement this person started with in Part I.
My hope is this article has given you pause to think about how you describe yourself. If you would like to explore this further, please don’t hesitate to call or book an appointment through the Contacts page.
References
White, M. & Morgan, A. (2006). Narrative therapy with children and their families. Adelaide, South Australia: Dulwich Centre Publications.